Dear Reader,

Yes, yes, yes. It's been a while. Marking, my brother and family visiting, school holidays, life... what can I tell you? But here we go: another newsletter and it's about me (after all, this is my newsletter ;-)).

So, I've been earning survival income from running university tutorials and marking assignments for 5 terms now. It's enough to pay for my room and a bit of life. After sledge-hammering my life foundations, I'm feeling like building up now. Though I love my room, the ease of household duties and the overview of all my belongings, I am getting ready to want to live in an apartment again - preferably 3-bedroom, realistically 2-bedroom (actually 1-bedroom but I'm optimistic). I've started applying for jobs and I found many job ads I was interested in. I didn't find a lot who were interested in me though. But while applying, I always thought "but I really I want to do something else - my business".

Entrepreneurship

My father has his own business and I grew up learning that self-employment is not all butterflies and unicorns. I always wanted to have my own business but I didn't know what products or services to sell. So, I went into employment. During my cancer journey, I suddenly realised that my business is sharing about happiness. But I was still writing my PhD while raising my kids and struggling with my health. I didn't know how to package my knowledge as a product, played around with courses knowing that I have to start somewhere else first (e.g. coaching). Lack of energy and the good old imposter kept me from pursuing that idea.

Things have changed now. I sledge-hammered and decluttered my life (mostly my mind) further. There is some healing going on, giving me more energy. And, of course, I have my survival money which is fairly stable now.

When I came across a coach and she offered me a free session, it was a turning point. It became very clear that being a coach is my next step. I already dish out happiness learnings and advice to all my friends - no matter if they ask or not. Why not do that against payment for people who actually ask for it?

Resistance

But instead of doing that, I kept applying for jobs always thinking "yes, that sounds like a job I would like to do but, really, I want to be a coach". When marking started and I had an interview, I stopped applying. What started then was what probably has held me back until now. It was such a mess in my - I want to say head. But really, it was such a pile of dump starting to appear everywhere. It was like wading through a really deep swamp with messy brown muddy water. That swamp tried to pull you down and it became harder and harder to make another step.

When gurus talk about negative emotions, it's all about labeling and acceptance. I'm all for it. When I'm angry, I can accept that I'm angry and let go of it (most of the time, I'm not perfect). Same with anxiety and fear. But this swamp was different. I didn't even know what I was feeling. I was guessing lots of imposter and security fears. But it was swampy and muddy and very very unclear. There were some voices and I identified my parents (mum's) voice with something like "get a real job".

Without knowing what else to do, I blurted out a half screaming, half crying voice message to my very supportive parents. I knew I had been avoiding to tell them that I wanted to stop applying for jobs and become a coach. It was silly because they were generally very understanding. It turned out to be a great step because my parents were supportive and the voices in my head went mostly silent. When I told a friend about this, she identified it as resistance.

Keep walking

What I started to notice was that my logical brain and my gut feeling were all for becoming coach. My logical brain decided the plan was doable. My gut feeling told me that the plan felt good. That helped me with my resistance. And hey, resistance is looking bad. But it's trying to protect us. All it is doing is asking "really, are you very very very sure?". It's just doing that it a messy unclear way.

If we have a quick look at neuroscience we might remember that our emotional brain (limbic system) doesn't have words. Our logical brain (prefrontal cortex) is the one with words and also structure. The limbic system is where the fear, reward, memory etc. centres are located. Resistance seems to be the emotional brain going haywire. So, it's not anger or frustration rising or fear paralysing us. Maybe. Maybe it's all at the same time. That's why it's messy, unclear and very difficult to label and accept.

The best way I found is to decide if it's worth it (logical brain and gut feeling say yes in this case) and then keep walking slowly and steadily. One step at a time. Carefully creating a new pathway in that swamp. And that's what I'm doing currently. More about that soon.

​

Are you struggling with resistance? What do you do?

Have a happy week!

Anja