Dear Reader,

Ok, let's talk sleep. Sleep and happiness go really hand-in-hand, so we NEED to talk about it.

Sleep struggles

I struggle with sleep. There were great times where I slept deeply and a lot. That was awesome. But since cancer prevention has catapulted me into sudden menopause AND eczema is waking me up to get a good bit of scratching done, it's hard. For some time, I was awake 2 hrs each night. Wide awake. It became a matter of staying in bed long enough to get 8 hours. Not ideal but doable. Then I started to not only have problems to stay asleep but also fall asleep. Eventually, I turned to sleep medication which I quickly weened myself off again. But yes, sleep deprivation is a very familiar topic.

When my kids are with me (50/50 custody), they sleep in my bed. Btw I can sleep equally bad with or without them. But what I observe is how easily they fall asleep when they are in a routine. And also, how easily they stay asleep - thunder, loud neighbours, cold, hot... they sleep. My son has even slept through while I changed sheets underneath him when my daughter threw up in our bed. It's amazing. So jealous! (And yes, I wish he had changed the sheets underneath me while I slept through.)

Sleep and stress

Why is their sleep better - besides not having eczema and menopause? My theory is that they feel safe next to me, trusting that I look out for them, and therefore they can relax fully. Sleep is a very very VERY vulnerable state. Hey, I mean particularly during deep sleep we are completely out. The sabre tooth tiger has it super easy. No protection or running what-so-ever. You must feel very safe to let yourself go to that state for around 8 hours (even though it's not all deep sleep).

Kids need to do it because sleep is when the growing hormones are dished out. Those hormones also help us adults to heal and restore but they are essential for kids obviously. That's probably why kids tend to sleep better. Us adults are then left with the protection task which is already a bit stressful. We have very brief moments between sleep cycles where we check if the environment is still safe before we start a new cycle (4-6 per night). Usually, we don't register waking up. But when our system is already stressed (eczema, menopause hormone imbalance, worry, stress at work etc.) it's a different setting, isn't it? Our brain can't really understand that it's not the environment which is threatening but our mind. It registers stress and there we go - awake, ready for fight, flight or freeze but not for chill and snooze.

Sleep Deprivation

Sleep deprivation - even one hour less sleep - reduces our cognitive abilities and coping mechanisms according to e.g. this study. Either that study or another show that fights are usually based on lack of sleep. Stop now and think how that works for you - is it true?

It absolutely makes sense. Happiness is very closely related to letting go, relaxing, connecting, seeing abundance in form of opportunity and creative flows. It's light. Do you feel light after you got less sleep than you wanted to? Well, I don't. I'm easily frustrated and annoyed - hello, appropriate mood to get into fights Also, hello tunnel vision - right? I can't see the broad range of options when I'm overtired. I'm easily overwhelmed and stressed. It's not good.

Rest

But what can we do? Give sleep priority! Don't do stressful stuff before going to bed - working, watching stressful movies, fighting. Let's give ourselves the feeling of safety - no sabre tooth tigers around, so it's ok to pass out. There are also worry journals to create a space where we don't have to worry and feel stressed. Of course, there are also better mattresses, ear plugs and cognitive behavioural therapy. And sleep medication - last resort as they don't fix anything.

For people like me who have deeper issues due to hormonal imbalances, I find that lots of rest is the answer. Obviously, the body has an imbalance and is therefore easily stressed. Providing more opportunity to offload or avoid stress by meditating, resting, taking breaks and eating nutritiously is supportive. I haven't gotten the perfect answer yet, but I'm still working on it. Do you have suggestions?

Have a happy week!

Anja