Pillars of Happiness: Mind

Each Tuesday, I'm reflecting on how aspects of our lives and society relate to happiness and how we can increase our happiness. This week, I'm looking at the second pillar of my framework Pillars of Happiness - mind. Let's see how happiness beliefs, the understanding of positive and negative emotions and mindfulness & presence are foundations to create long-lasting happiness.

The Pillars of Happiness is a framework I’ve developed over the years to understand happiness and its determinants. This post is about the second pillar, Mind. To understand the role of the mind in happiness, it is important to understand (at least a bit) what the mind is. The first pillar looks at the body, including the brain. Let’s make it simple and say that the brain is the organ, and the mind is what happens in there. The mind is thinking, emotions, and probably much more. I have identified Happiness Beliefs, Positive and Negative Emotions and Mindfulness & Presence as essential happiness topics when it comes to the mind. Let’s dive in.

Happiness Beliefs

Beliefs are the basis of our decision-making, and I wrote about them in the Pillar of Happiness Body post. They are like the easy, well-trodden paths in our brain, which conserve energy. Fortunately, we can rewire unhelpful paths by tapping into Neuroplasticity (also explained in that post). You might believe the following:

• You don’t deserve happiness. Maybe you were naughty or just ‘not good enough’.
• Happiness comes and goes as it pleases. No long-lasting happiness is possible.
• Others make you unhappy, so you can’t be happy.
• You have to do stuff first (become rich, tick off that list, buy a yacht or jet) before you can be happy.
• Life is just against you. Bad things happen to you.

Does any of that ring a bell? They are pretty common. And they are not helpful. The thing with beliefs is that they are that – beliefs. They are not facts. The brain will bend itself over backwards to prove that your beliefs are correct. The brain is a bit of a people pleaser and very unjudgmental. So, if you believe any of the above, the brain will do anything to prove you right. And you won’t be happy.

If you would like to change that, try out these instead:

• Everyone can be happy.
• Happiness is always there.
• You (and only you) are responsible for your happiness – it’s in your control.
• Happiness is priority – it comes first and is the most important thing on your list.
• The universe has your back.

I have written an email series about these happiness beliefs. You can access those emails here (even if you are already on my mailing list).

If you struggle with believing any of the above, remember that the Body pillar is all about how happiness is created by hormones and the nervous system. So, why would it not be for you or fleeting? It’s just body functions that don’t discriminate. And obviously, it’s in your control to trigger those mechanisms – nobody else can do that.

Since happiness is very closely associated with the rest-and-digest state of the nervous system, which broadens your view and shows you opportunity and abundance, it’s clever to make happiness your priority and be happy first before you try achieving anything. And finally, if the universe is for or against you can never be proven. The brain is going to prove you right no matter what. So, why not believe the universe has your back and that there is abundance? It promotes your safe & secure feeling, which again promotes your rest-and-digest state. (The universe belief is based on something Einstein wrote, and here is a great article about that.)

Positive and Negative Emotions

Coming to Positive Psychology – a psychology stream that doesn’t only want to heal illness but also promote well-being – let’s have a look at emotions. I followed positive psychologist Barbara Fredrickson for a while. She explained in a course that there are positive and negative emotions. (Please reframe the naming if you don’t like the words positive and negative in this context.) While we can have all kinds of emotions, they are all based on 4 (sometimes 6) emotions: happiness, sadness, anger and fear (disgust and curiosity). I stick to the 4 emotions here.

Negative emotions are all nuances of sadness, anger and fear, such as depression, melancholy, rage, annoyance, frustration, nervousness, and panic. Negative emotions transport us into tunnel vision. They signal threat or danger, allowing us to focus on dealing with those. Yes, they are the emotional expression of the fight-flight-or-freeze response.

Positive emotions are all nuances of happiness, such as joy, hope, serenity, interest, awe and pride. Positive emotions broaden our horizon and let us see opportunity. Ha, just like the Parasympathetic Nervous System! I wouldn’t say that happiness is exactly like the rest-and-digest state, but it’s very very very closely linked.

Barbara Fredrickson wrote a lot about positive emotions – here is one of her articles. She observes that we usually feel much more positive emotions during the day. They might be mild positive emotions, not wild joy or fun, but they are positive. However, negative emotions weigh more. That makes complete sense because they alert us to danger or threat. This is called Negativity Bias. Negative emotions and events register more in our consciousness so that we take action and learn from them. That also means that you might have had a nice day, but then somebody was rude or something didn’t work as it should, and suddenly it’s a horrible day. Sounds familiar?

Fredrickson finds that we need a ratio of about 3:1 or 4:1 positive to negative emotions to feel happy. Her work is very much about how to intentionally create positive emotions to keep that ratio going.

So, when you are frustrated, you could have a look at your achievements and feel some pride, connect with someone and have some fun or take a walk and experience some calm. You can also use positive thinking and count your blessings. Gratitude is such a powerful happiness tool because it catapults you to a positive mindset and creates a positive emotion. And that’s it – it’s about creating positive emotions – or positive moments (same same). Isn’t life made out of moments? Why not actively create more positive ones? Just saying…

Have a happy week!

Anja