Dear Reader,

Let's talk happiness - why the hell should you care?

The other day, I talked to a friend and she was like "yeah, happiness is nice but that's really not my priority". When I asked her why she does things, she said it's to gain freedom. What she described to me sounded a lot like happiness. So let's have a look at happiness first (yes, yes, again).

What is happiness?

Of course I have a definition and I've shared it here. But I understand that it doesn't help if you're not all in for happiness already. Aristotle says happiness is behind all our pursuits, so it's pretty much why we do anything. However, it'll be better the basis of when we're pursuing as well. More to that later.

Happiness is feeling light, relaxed, free, joyful, safe. It comes in shades (excitement, fun, awe, interest, calm etc.) but the base line is safety, lightness, freedom (from worry and duties) and joy. I very much hope you know what feeling I'm talking about - otherwise, you should sign up immediately to my upcoming coaching program... oh well, you should sign up for that anyway!!! ;-) ;-) ;-)

I like to understand what happens in the body to get a good grasp of happiness. Generally, we can feel happy when the parasympathetic nervous system (rest-and-digest state) is active and we can see opportunity and abundance. That is the opposite of the tunnel vision of when the sympathetic nervous system pumps the blood from the brain to the extremities to help us fight or run.

Safety

The well-known Maslow pyramid of needs has our physiological needs (air, water, food, clothing, shelter etc.) at the bottom. That's survival, right? Next is safety and security. I believe that's where happiness really starts. If you feel safe and don't worry about constant attacks or enough food supply, you can connect, learn and explore - meeting the higher needs.

My observation is that so many of us logically know that we live in safety and we could relax a lot more. We, in the Western world, have enough food and generally access to clothes, shelter and clean water. We don't have to struggle for survival constantly. There is abundance not scarcity. Yet, people around me seem to see scarcity. There is this competition, the need for status and the constant underlying fear of losing it all. Expectations of what we have to do to keep it all together. Standards we have to uphold to keep... what exactly? This all causes a lot of frustration, disappointment and overwhelm. The feeling of safety is lost. Happiness is seen as a nice-to-have not as the priority it should be.

Better

We have a choice, don't we? We can strive, achieve, expect and live with grudges, frustration and annoyance to have "the good life". We can hold on to our standards without deviation, expecting others to hold on to them as well and get annoyed when they don't (I see that in so many partnerships, particularly when kids are around). We can live with all the disappointment and pain of not feeling seen, understood and supported.

But isn't it better to let go of that all and instead make happiness priority? Remember, happiness is seeing opportunities and abundance. Happiness is feeling safe and being able to connect and feel present. Happiness is feeling light, free, joyful. It's not laziness. In happiness, we can tap into our creativity and test through play and fun. We can get into flow (aka "the zone") and fulfill our potential. And most importantly, we can enjoy and appreciate moments, achievements, connections.

This sounds unachievable for you? Why? Who is setting all these standards and expectations you are adhering to? Who says you have to over-stretch and take on more responsibility than you have energy for? Maybe try to take a break when you want to take one. Maybe don't do things you really don't want to do (in that moment or ever). While you might have care duties, you probably can outsource some.

The important thing is not to aim for achievement and getting all the things done. The important thing is to feel good doing it. It's not about discipline and pushing through - that's draining. It's about finding flow which incidentally saves energy, brings out your best and lets you contribute much more to your community. Better, huh?

Have a happy week!

Anja