Enjoying Suffering

Each Tuesday, I'm reflecting on how aspects of our lives and society relate to happiness and how we can increase our happiness. This week, I'm exploring what suffering is and how we can connect it with happiness. How can we connect enjoyment and suffering?

Suffering — as a happiness topic? Don’t worry, I’m not talking about anything dodgy or 50 Shades of Grey. But I’ve discovered that suffering can sometimes be… enjoyable. Let me explain.

Suffering

Suffering is learning opportunity. It’s taking risks, leaving comfort because we have to (illness, separation, employment loss, financial loss etc.) or because we want to (studying, relationship, parenthood etc.). It sounds depressing, I know. Suffering is physical or mental pain — something our brain naturally tries to avoid because pain signals threat. Yet avoiding all pain would also mean avoiding growth.

Pain

What is pain? Google calls it “an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with potential or actual tissue damage.” In other words, pain is the body’s alarm system. That sounds right, doesn’t it?

Of course, when it comes to actual tissue damage, avoiding pain is smart. But pain has an emotional component, too. If you bang your knee, you’ll feel sensory pain in the knee and emotional pain in the brain — in the anterior insula and anterior cingulate cortex, to be precise.

​Psychologist Alan Fogel explains this beautifully: the same brain areas light up when we experience heartbreak or rejection. You can numb emotional pain with Panadol, but you’ll also dull its message. And pain has a message — it warns, teaches, redirects.

So what should we do? Never fall in love because heartbreak hurts? Never ask for a promotion because rejection stings?

The Role of Pain and Suffering

I believe pain and suffering are unavoidable. Pain tells us something isn’t right. If you bang your knee, you stop. But with emotional pain, we often don’t stop. We distract, numb, or blame.

For a long time, I did that too. I cried, wallowed, blamed, and thought I was processing my pain. But it never went away. So I drank, ate too much, hurt myself, and tried other ways to escape. What I didn’t do was look into the pain — to ask: Why do I feel this way? What is this trying to show me?

Learning

Suffering itself may be unavoidable, but what we do with it is a choice. When we suffer, we can learn. Pain shows us that something feels wrong or unsafe — but it can also point us toward what needs care or change.

Have a happy week!

Anja