Dear Reader,

It's a lovely autumn this weekend - nice sunny weather but not too hot. Yesterday, I went for a coastal walk with the kids, and we had a great time. So, I decided not to complain about our society and write about happiness. Here are 3 ingredients for happiness:

Prerequisite

Before we can talk about being happy, it's important to acknowledge who is responsible for our own happiness. Spoiler: it's not your mum, the government, your partner or the weather. Nobody can make you happy or unhappy. That's all your responsibility. Sorry, not sorry. Because if being happy is only our responsibility, you are also the only one who can do something about it. Yeah, it's annoying that we cannot blame anybody when we are unhappy, but we can do stuff that creates happiness for us. And yes, of course, everyone can still contribute to the happiness or unhappiness of others. But they cannot MAKE us happy or unhappy. Makes sense?

Awareness, enjoyment & appreciation

Ingredient number one for happiness is living in the present. Our great human prefrontal cortex can do all the planning and foreseeing that differentiates us from other living beings, but that's stressful. Most of the time, we live in our heads, in some idea we have of the future. But we'll never reach that future - even if we do, we are too much in our heads to see it. If the present is like the future we've dreamt of, we don't really notice because we're already in the next future.

So, let's get out of that future and into the NOW. It's easiest if you use your senses - how does the NOW look, sound, taste, smell and feel? Can you sense anything enjoyable or beautiful? How is your life right now? What do you have (forget about what you don't have for a moment)? Appreciate and enjoy that. Life is about experiencing the NOW. Also, if you do that and find things to appreciate and enjoy even if not everything is unicorns and rainbows (when is it ever?), it relaxes you, and you can see opportunities and abundance.

Letting Go

Letting go can be so difficult. We want to be right, we want to be acknowledged for our contributions, and we insist. But energy needs to flow - just like electricity. When there is resistance, there is no flow. Sometimes, we need to put our foot down and insist. Some fights are worth fighting. Most fights aren't - they are resistance to our flow. We want others to believe the same as we do and take on our perspective. Why? Is it so important that everyone else agrees that we are in the right? That our perspective is the best? Isn't that only because we don't trust ourselves and need confirmation? It's really not about being right or wrong, it's about what is right and wrong for you. That can absolutely differ from what is right or wrong for me.

Letting go makes space. It's about acknowledging that others can be different, and we are not perfect. Letting go is releasing baggage, forgiving and removing resistance to encourage our energy flow again. For me, it sometimes feels like I'm carrying lots of stuff and just letting it all fall to the floor. It's too heavy, and I give up trying to carry all the responsibility and do everything right. I let it fall, sometimes I imagine myself lying on the floor crying next to all the stuff. Then I get up and pick up one or two things I can carry and move on. It's quite freeing.

Connections

Ingredient number three is about connection or relationships. While relationships are crucial, the mere connection with someone - the moment when two people are open, usually a bit vulnerable, to exchange a smile, greeting or a few sentences - is an absolute happiness maker. Building on the previous ingredients, the more you can live in the NOW, the easier you find ways to connect. The more you can let go, the more you can be a bit vulnerable (open for connection).

We humans thrive with connection, which provides us with the feel-good hormone Oxytocin. Indeed, the connection with others should have a higher priority than earning money or status. Beyond covering basic needs, money doesn't do much for our happiness - but people/connections/relationships do. So, let's have more connection!

What do you think? Are these three ingredients enough to be happy?

Have a happy week!

Anja